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  #1  
Old 09-28-2010, 12:05 PM
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Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
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Default That's when the fight started.....

The other day I was flipping through the channels and my wife came in and asked, " What's on the TV ?" " Dust " I said.........

That's when the fight started.......
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  #2  
Old 09-28-2010, 12:14 PM
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Default Re: That's when the fight started.....

At a traffic light I rolled up and tapped a large van. To my surprise a dwarf got out and came to look at any damage. Then he growled at me " I'm not happy!" I couldn't help it, I asked him " Oh? which one are you?"

That's when the fight started......
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  #3  
Old 09-28-2010, 04:30 PM
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Default Re: That's when the fight started.....

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  #4  
Old 09-29-2010, 10:07 AM
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Default Re: That's when the fight started.....

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took MY order first.

I requested, " I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, " Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

I answered, " Nah, she can order for herself."


That's when the fight started.........
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  #5  
Old 09-29-2010, 01:06 PM
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Default Re: That's when the fight started.....

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started.
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  #6  
Old 09-30-2010, 10:10 PM
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Default Re: That's when the fight started.....

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her " Do you know him?"

" Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend....I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear hes hasn't been sober since."

" My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

That's when the fight started.......
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  #7  
Old 10-02-2010, 12:51 PM
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Default Re: That's when the fight started.....

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, " I feel horrible: I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

I replied, " Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

That's when the fight started.......
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  #8  
Old 10-02-2010, 05:35 PM
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Default Re: That's when the fight started.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Wiz View Post
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, " I feel horrible: I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

I replied, " Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

That's when the fight started.......
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #9  
Old 10-04-2010, 05:24 AM
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Default Re: That's when the fight started.....

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, " Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year."

That's when the fight started.........
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  #10  
Old 10-08-2010, 11:50 AM
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Default Re: That's when the fight started.....

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, " Unbutton your shirt. " So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, " That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me", and she processed my Social Security application..When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office....She said " You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too."

That's when the fight started.........
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  #11  
Old 10-12-2010, 11:59 AM
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Default Re: That's when the fight started.....

When I got home , my wife was being "cute" by snipping the front lawn with the tiniest pair of scissors. It was her attempt at sarcasm to get me to mow the lawn. I continued on inside and came out with a tooth brush, threw it to her, and told her " When you're done with the lawn, you might as well sweep the driveway."

That's when the fight started..........
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  #12  
Old 10-15-2010, 02:30 AM
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Default Re: That's when the fight started.....

Husband comes home to his apartment and tells his wife that the building super had just told him that he had sex with every woman in the building, except one. The wife thinks about it for a minute and responds," Must be that snob up in 5A."

That's when the fight started.......
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  #13  
Old 10-16-2010, 01:46 PM
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Default Re: That's when the fight started.....

Murphy goes into the pub snifflin' and sneezin' somethin terrible. The bartender, Dolan, asked him what he was doin' to get over the cold. When he found out, " nuthin ", Dolan explained that when he got a bad cold such as this, he had his wife give him oral sex, and it cleared right up. So Murphy asked him, "Is your wife at home right now?"

That's when the fight started........
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  #14  
Old 10-20-2010, 06:35 PM
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Default Re: That's when the fight started.....

While fitting her for a shoe, the salesman looked up her dress, noticed no underwear, and announced his immediate fantasy of filling " that thing" with ice cream and eating it. She stormed home and told her husband. He looked up from his paper, thought for a minute, and went back to reading. Now she was livid. " Aren't you going to do something about it?", she screamed. He looked up from his paper again and responded, " Look, it just doesn't make good sense to mess with anyone who can eat that much ice cream."

That's when the fight started.........
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  #15  
Old 10-26-2010, 09:40 AM
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Default Re: That's when the fight started.....

Watching the game in the bar, I casually looked over to my left and saw a nasty lookin' guy. He snarled at me " What the hell are you lookin' at, an' whut's on your mind?" I told him, "If I had a dog with a face like yours, I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards."

That's when the fight started.......
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