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  #736  
Old 05-16-2014, 10:11 PM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A woman goes to the hospital.

"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.

"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my Vagina."

The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said
"Those aren't postage stamps dear, they're the stickers off the bananas"
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  #737  
Old 06-15-2014, 01:24 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I went to the doctor's office the other day. Turns out, she's a drop dead knockout. Then she told me I had to stop masterbating. I was puzzled so I asked her " Why?" She said " Because I'm trying to examine you"
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  #738  
Old 07-24-2014, 02:25 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

My wife asked me for a divorce. When I asked her why, she said " 'Cause I just found out that you're a pedophile." I told her, " That's a pretty big word for a 14 year old."
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  #739  
Old 08-09-2014, 06:53 PM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I stopped by to visit an aging friend around the time for daylight savings time change. He was busy putting black shoe polish on his penis. I told him " You'd better get your hearing checked..........You're supposed to turn your clock back."
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  #740  
Old 08-13-2014, 07:47 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths: 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People. 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world. 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.
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  #741  
Old 08-23-2014, 08:51 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Just a passing thought........If you can get arrested for fishing or hunting without a license....but not for crossing the border illegally.....you might be in a country run by idiots
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  #742  
Old 09-18-2014, 07:05 PM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I read somewhere that West Virginia was credited for the invention of the toothbrush.............of course, if it had been invented anywhere else they would have been called it a teethbrush.
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  #743  
Old 09-26-2014, 08:02 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A little old Jewish cab driver is nodding out in his cab when he hears the door shut in the back. He looks in his mirror and sees a naked lady sprawled across the back seat. Hooboy! he's thinking. Keeps looking and she finally asks " What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a naked lady before?" " Yah, sure, he says " and I vould neffer look at you in zis vay." " So, why the staring?" says she. "Vell, I'm lookin, and I'm tinkin, he answers, "Vere is she keepin the money that's payin for zis ride?"

Last edited by Joe Wiz; 09-26-2014 at 08:03 AM. Reason: misspell
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  #744  
Old 10-07-2014, 10:15 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Subject: FW: Male Logic - Critical Thinking At Its Best!

Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about 3

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

(This is where it gets scary !)

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your
spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400. correct?

Man: Correct

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man: Correct

Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No

Man: Where's your Ferrari?
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  #745  
Old 10-26-2014, 11:53 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

An old woman, sipping wine on the patio with her husband says " I love you so much. I don't know how I could ever live without you."

He asks her " Is that you or the wine talking?"

She answers, " It's me.....talking to the wine."
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  #746  
Old 01-06-2015, 03:49 PM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

> > Late in the
> > night a man regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing
> > pain
> > in the hospital's ICU with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring
> > every function
> > and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he'd
> > obviously been
> > in a serious accident.
> >
> > The nurse gave him a deep look straight into the
> > eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from
> > the waist
> > down."
> >
> > Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits
> > then?"
> >
> > THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS A POSITIVE
> > ATTITUDE!!!
> >
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  #747  
Old 01-07-2015, 07:14 PM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week,
whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year.
This was very upsetting news to me and most of my friends, as we had no idea we were Japanese.
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  #748  
Old 02-12-2015, 03:55 PM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A guy goes into a pretty empty bar and orders a beer. After a sip he tells the bartender he has a Polish joke for him. The bartender stops him and says " I'm a retired wrestler, and my name is Chunkowski. The guy at the end of the bar is the bouncer from the disco up the block. His name is Awfulski. The guy at the other end of the bar is Officer Dumbrowski..........so......do you still want to tell your joke?

The guys answers...." Nah, If I have to explain it three times, forget it!"
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  #749  
Old 02-20-2015, 07:54 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I was eating breakfast...having coffee with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?"



Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Presidents Day!" ..



She's smart, so I asked her "What does Presidents Day mean?" ..



I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush or Clinton, etc.



She replied, "Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another year of bull-shit."



You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.
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  #750  
Old 02-23-2015, 07:13 AM
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Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Wiz View Post
I was eating breakfast...having coffee with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?"



Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Presidents Day!" ..



She's smart, so I asked her "What does Presidents Day mean?" ..



I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush or Clinton, etc.



She replied, "Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another year of bull-shit."



You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.
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