Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody - Page 47 - Stripers247.com Forums
 
Striped Bass Fishing Site Map | Contact Us | Fishing Log Software | Fishing Online | Advertise
to UPLOAD: please register or login

Go Back   Stripers247.com Forums > Around The Woodstove > The Lounge
Forgot Password? Register Now!!

The Lounge Off-topic discussion here. Non-fishing related chit chat & banter. No Divisive subject matter - No Viscious Political and Religious debates please.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #691  
Old 02-11-2012, 09:27 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Back to the rednecks.........

Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #692  
Old 02-16-2012, 12:44 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

> A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on
> the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her
> daughter-in-law lying on the couch, naked. Soft music was playing, and
> the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?!" she
> asked.
>
> "I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
>
> "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
>
> "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
>
> "Love dress? But you're naked!"
>
> "Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained. "It
> excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he
> instantly becomes romantic. He can't get enough of me."
>
> The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered,
> put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and
> lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her
> husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so
> provocatively.
>
> "What are you doing?" he asked.
>
> "This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.
>
> "Need's ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"
>
> Poor guy never heard the gunshot.
Reply With Quote
  #693  
Old 02-28-2012, 12:52 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Cowboy: " Gimme three packets of condoms, please."

Cashier: " Do you want a paper bag with that sir?"

Cowboy: " Nah, she ain't THAT ugly?"
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #694  
Old 04-01-2012, 01:35 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Yeah....I'm in trouble again...


I was in a pub last night and saw two rather large girls by the bar.

They both had strange accents so I said "Hello, are you two girls from Scotland ?".

One of them screamed "It's WALES you f**king idiot !"

So I immediately apologized and said "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"
Reply With Quote
  #695  
Old 05-22-2012, 12:49 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Subject: SIMPLE TRUTH




SIMPLE TRUTH 1

Partners help each other undress before sex.

However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".

But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".

Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated.


FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE

1. Money can not buy happiness, but itís more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-holeís name.

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because itís illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.


THERE YOU HAVE IT...and remember, life is good.
Reply With Quote
  #696  
Old 06-06-2012, 04:57 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Father O'Malley was transferred to St Joe's church in El Paso ,Texas. He was in the process of settling in, and in the morning he looked out his window and saw a dead jackass on the front lawn. When he called the sheriff's office, the sheriff told him that since priests were in the last rites business and all, that the church would have to take care of it. He realized the sheriff was a bit of a comedian and a bit lazy, and told him " Ya, we'll take care of it ourselves, thank you......but we also felt obliged to notify the next of kin."
Reply With Quote
  #697  
Old 06-17-2012, 09:27 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.

A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-American slogans, with a half- burned American Flag duct taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.

Suddenly they yelled, "praise Allah" and took off before the light changed.

Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, " Man...that could have been me !"

So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
Reply With Quote
  #698  
Old 03-07-2013, 12:32 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Wow! it's been a long time.
Anyway there's a new bra out there for older women. It's called the Sheep Dog Bra. It rounds them up and heads them in the right direction.
Reply With Quote
  #699  
Old 03-07-2013, 09:02 AM
StriperHyper's Avatar
StriperHyper StriperHyper is offline
Young salt
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: OOB, ME
Posts: 1,396
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Wiz View Post
Wow! it's been a long time
I was just thinking the same thing man.....I've missed your daily jokes. Keep em coming man, it wont be long now!!!
__________________
"If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles" - Doug Larson
Reply With Quote
  #700  
Old 03-18-2013, 10:22 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.

We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road..

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying,
good-for-nothing left wing Commie who isn't even an American.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."
God Bless America
In God We Trust
Reply With Quote
  #701  
Old 04-03-2013, 10:15 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

OK Here's the situation......There's a big bag of money in the middle of the room.....at the four corners sit....a smart pollack....Santa....a dumb Pollack ....and the tooth fairy

Who gets the money?



Ans. The dumb Pollack.....why?........the rest don't exist
Reply With Quote
  #702  
Old 05-09-2013, 09:20 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I had a big lead in the trivia competition at a local bar until the last question, which I got wrong. The question was: Where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer. How the hell was I supposed to know they wanted the name of a country?
Reply With Quote
  #703  
Old 05-10-2013, 09:53 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Japanese scientists have have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that is is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
Reply With Quote
  #704  
Old 06-02-2013, 05:21 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. Since many doctors are now Muslim, I've found a bacon sandwich works best.
Reply With Quote
  #705  
Old 06-04-2013, 09:47 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,014
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself " I'm going to take that."
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
day, insult, joke

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Valentine's Day Facts: Striperjim The Lounge 3 02-13-2009 09:41 AM
joke of the day mikeyred The Lounge 1 03-16-2007 07:23 PM
Fishing Music Library ! TonyDB The Lounge 28 10-16-2006 05:09 AM
Now, a Day at the Beach Can Mean a Day in Court CaptainMorgan! The Lounge 0 09-04-2005 01:19 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:04 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright © 2004 - 2013 Stripers247.com LLC
Affiliated Sites:   Noreast.com   Allcoast.com    2coolfishing.com