Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody - Page 35 - Stripers247.com Forums
 
Striped Bass Fishing Site Map | Contact Us | Fishing Log Software | Fishing Online | Advertise
to UPLOAD: please register or login

Go Back   Stripers247.com Forums > Around The Woodstove > The Lounge
Forgot Password? Register Now!!

The Lounge Off-topic discussion here. Non-fishing related chit chat & banter. No Divisive subject matter - No Viscious Political and Religious debates please.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #511  
Old 12-18-2008, 05:12 AM
Striperjim's Avatar
Striperjim Striperjim is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 4,316
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #512  
Old 12-23-2008, 10:40 AM
The Point's Avatar
The Point The Point is offline
Cow Catcher
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: On a Rock in The Water in the Darkness.
Posts: 937
Default 2

A trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, & knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, & she says "Hi, my name is Heather & you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her & proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up & knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.

As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, & you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again & continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. When the light turns green the trucker revs up & races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck,& runs back to the blonde.

He knocks on her window, &after she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Indiana & I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!
__________________
"My biggest worry is that my wife (when I'm dead) will sell my fishing gear for what I said I paid for it."
Reply With Quote
  #513  
Old 12-23-2008, 10:40 AM
The Point's Avatar
The Point The Point is offline
Cow Catcher
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: On a Rock in The Water in the Darkness.
Posts: 937
Default 1

I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road.

He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "That's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears.

Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed.

"There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
__________________
"My biggest worry is that my wife (when I'm dead) will sell my fishing gear for what I said I paid for it."
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #514  
Old 01-01-2009, 09:36 AM
MASSfisher0311's Avatar
MASSfisher0311 MASSfisher0311 is offline
(formerly brian21johansen)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Currently:San Diego....Originally:Massachusetts
Posts: 975
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

The New Priest:

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am
worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If
I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got
nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1.Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2.There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3.There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4.Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5.Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6.We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7.The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8.David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9.When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10.We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11.When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12.The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13.The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
14.Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's
__________________
Think like a fish....
Reply With Quote
  #515  
Old 01-01-2009, 05:42 PM
Striperjim's Avatar
Striperjim Striperjim is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 4,316
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Rednecks skydive
A big bull redneck and a scrawny little mouse of a guy happened on the same plane skydiving. The big guy grabs the little guys chute and tells him your jumping without your parachute unless you let me bend you over and have my way with you.
Later on hes still alive and relating the story to Bobby Sue.
She says OMG what happened did you jump?
And he says "a little at first".
Reply With Quote
  #516  
Old 01-14-2009, 12:58 PM
Striperjim's Avatar
Striperjim Striperjim is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 4,316
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Reply With Quote
  #517  
Old 01-14-2009, 09:24 PM
gone fishin''s Avatar
gone fishin' gone fishin' is offline
Chasing the Dream...
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 80
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

School Work:
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	image001.jpg
Views:	93
Size:	36.6 KB
ID:	9443  
Reply With Quote
  #518  
Old 01-14-2009, 10:11 PM
LittleCasino's Avatar
LittleCasino LittleCasino is offline
ISBA Chief
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Indianapolis,IN
Posts: 1,573
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A Dog's Letter to God

Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?

Dear God, When we get to heaven can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,The colt, the stingray and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?

Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God, If we come back as humans, is that good, or bad?

Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the Schnauzer across the street.

Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God, May I have my testicles back


__________________
Indiana Striped Bass Association




"No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country" George S. Patton






Reply With Quote
  #519  
Old 01-14-2009, 10:14 PM
LittleCasino's Avatar
LittleCasino LittleCasino is offline
ISBA Chief
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Indianapolis,IN
Posts: 1,573
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay." The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!" On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "GOLLY! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
__________________
Indiana Striped Bass Association




"No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country" George S. Patton






Reply With Quote
  #520  
Old 01-19-2009, 08:13 PM
The Point's Avatar
The Point The Point is offline
Cow Catcher
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: On a Rock in The Water in the Darkness.
Posts: 937
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

After her fifth child, Mary decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her bomb doors were dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab. Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.

"Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them."

"Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".

"Ahhh, that's really nice!" said Mary.

"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!".

"Brilliant!" said Mary. "And the third?".

"That's from John in the burns unit", said the nurse. "He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears!"
__________________
"My biggest worry is that my wife (when I'm dead) will sell my fishing gear for what I said I paid for it."
Reply With Quote
  #521  
Old 01-20-2009, 12:32 AM
The Point's Avatar
The Point The Point is offline
Cow Catcher
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: On a Rock in The Water in the Darkness.
Posts: 937
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man.

Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice.

Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! You're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"

"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are... I'm going to set the garage on fire."
__________________
"My biggest worry is that my wife (when I'm dead) will sell my fishing gear for what I said I paid for it."
Reply With Quote
  #522  
Old 01-22-2009, 01:51 PM
The Point's Avatar
The Point The Point is offline
Cow Catcher
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: On a Rock in The Water in the Darkness.
Posts: 937
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

It was 3 o'clock AM and Stacy and Karrie were leaving the bar, completely plastered.

On the way home, they passed a cemetery and both really had to use the bathroom. So they stopped and popped a squat.

Seeing as there was no toilet paper around, Stacy decided to take off her panties and use them.

Karrie saw a wreath with a ribbon hanging on a tombstone, and snatched it down.

That afternoon, Stacy's husband became concerned when he found he still asleep and called Karrie's husband.

"I'm a little worried, Stacy has never slept in this late, and... well, she doesn't have any underwear on..."

"You think that's bad, Karrie is laying in bed with a card stuck to her ass that says, 'Hate to see you go, You will always be remembered. Signed the guys at the Fire station'"
__________________
"My biggest worry is that my wife (when I'm dead) will sell my fishing gear for what I said I paid for it."
Reply With Quote
  #523  
Old 02-09-2009, 02:14 PM
The Point's Avatar
The Point The Point is offline
Cow Catcher
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: On a Rock in The Water in the Darkness.
Posts: 937
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.

On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang.

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.

He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... Then he remembered his wife.

Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!

"I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past Four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last!" "For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!"

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed .

The doctor snickered and said, "Just f*king with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"
__________________
"My biggest worry is that my wife (when I'm dead) will sell my fishing gear for what I said I paid for it."
Reply With Quote
  #524  
Old 02-11-2009, 12:35 PM
Striperjim's Avatar
Striperjim Striperjim is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 4,316
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

HOBO SEX

A deformed and ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face
"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.
"I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"
"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"
"Dunno...never found the head."
Reply With Quote
  #525  
Old 02-12-2009, 11:01 AM
Mark P's Avatar
Mark P Mark P is offline
The Artist Formerly known as Jackbass
Pro Staff
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Central MA
Posts: 1,148
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him.' Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes, ' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked 'How does that feel?' He replied, 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken.'
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
day, insult, joke

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Valentine's Day Facts: Striperjim The Lounge 3 02-13-2009 09:41 AM
joke of the day mikeyred The Lounge 1 03-16-2007 07:23 PM
Fishing Music Library ! TonyDB The Lounge 28 10-16-2006 05:09 AM
Now, a Day at the Beach Can Mean a Day in Court CaptainMorgan! The Lounge 0 09-04-2005 01:19 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:58 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright 2004 - 2013 Stripers247.com LLC
Affiliated Sites:   Noreast.com   Allcoast.com    2coolfishing.com