by Jerry Vovcsko
High winds; low temperatures, not much action to speak of. Sounds a little like Dean Smith's 4-corner offense that the Tarheels used to kill time and frustrate opponents. And there's plenty of frustration to be had around these parts because there's darned little fishing activity available and Cape anglers are pretty much stuck with killing time until these Alaskan-style snow accumulations melt away and make room for the arrival of spring.
While cold winds and massive snow drifts hinder efforts to wet a line locally, those arctic-like temperatures stood a good chance of killing a number of Kemp's Ridley turtles when the creatures got trapped in Cape Cod Bay by plunging water temperatures. Volunteers saved a fair number of stranded animals, marine biologists from local aquariums helped rehabilitate them and this past week seventeen Kemp's Ridley turtles departed New England's deep-freeze conditions in a heated van from the National Marine Life Center in Buzzards Bay heading for a beach in Florida from where they would be released.. After four months of rehabilitation, these sea turtles were ready to return to the ocean.
"They are so ready," said marine life center volunteer Jane Fernandes, who drove for more than 24 hours in the van with staffer Margo Madden and three other volunteers. A record number of sea turtles - over 1,200 - washed ashore on Cape Cod Bay beaches from Barnstable to Provincetown between November and the end of December. The vast majority were Kemp's Ridleys, one of the most endangered sea turtle species in the world.
Plunging water temperatures in the fall shut down their metabolism and left them floating at sea, at the mercy of the winter wind that blew them onto the beach where they were rescued by volunteer turtle patrols. After four months of being fed herring and squid, along with medicine and vitamins, the turtles were ready to head for warmer climes and traveled south in the van which had to be kept at 70 to 75 degrees.
Surprise was the order of the day when a rare calico lobster showed up at the Wellfleet Shellfish Company facility in Eastham earlier this week.
"It's a pretty exquisite lobster," said David Lancaster, the company's general manager.
Only one in 30 million lobsters is a calico, according to researchers. Several have shown up on the Cape in recent years, including at the Lobster Trap in Bourne in 2014. This one, a roughly 2-pound female, was caught offshore by the fishing boat Cowboy based out of New Bedford. Lancaster said he has contacted a few aquariums to see if they have a home for the calico and declared that this is one lobster who is not destined for the pot anytime soon.
And then there are the folks at the Durex Corporation. Their story might well be called: The Future of Sex and the Smart Phone. In a story that their public relations department is pitching, Durex, a maker of condoms, says that the future of sex will be brought to us by the company's "digital technology division". Digital condoms? Now there's a mental image for you.
The company released a statement announcing that Durex is taking its "first significant step into the digital marketplace, with the division's manifesto being to embrace changing social behaviors and the paradigm of intimacy and mobile technology." The company will imminently announce what it describes as its first "game-changing product". This product is described as a technological breakthrough that will actually help users achieve an orgasm.
The news release quotes Richard Arnold, Head of Research and Development Durex: "With our deep understanding of arousal and the impulses involved, it was only natural for us to look at how we could combine this with digital technology."
You've probably seen articles about people who use electronic devices at times when their use might seem a bit…umm…inappropriate? Well, Durex has noticed the trend.
"We took inspiration from modern habits and our ever growing reliance on portable technology for virtually everything in day to day life and our market research has identified a genuine desire for this technology in our sex lives."
Local anglers, bored with the never ending snowstorms, might want to take notice that Durex is looking for beta testers who want to be "the first to experience this new breakthrough."
If you're interested, connect with Durex Labs. That's Durex.com, folks…and I'm thinking about shooting an email over to those people and offering my services to test whatever it is they're talking about. I mean, why not jump on the digital-orgasm-train before it leaves the station? I wonder if George Orwell is rolling over in his grave?
Oh, and it looks like the salary cap is breaking up that Old Gang of mine…the New England Patriots, that is. The Pats will not be picking up Vince Wilfork's option and the big man will be plying his trade at nose tackle elsewhere unless the number crunchers at Patriot headquarters can find a way coax big Vince to sign on again for less money.
Well, the Pats have the Lombardi Trophy safely ensconced in its display case and maybe the numbers boys will find a way to keep both Darrelle Revis and Devin McCourty in the fold. If so, there's a good chance Tom Brady and Bill Belichick will nail down their fifth Super Bowl and ride off into the sunset as the best ever. But, lordy, I wish the snow was gone, spring was here and we could start guessing the arrival date on the first stripers returning to Cape waters. Put me down for May 7th.