Striped Bass Fishing Site Map | Contact Us | Fishing Log Software | Fishing Online | Advertise
to UPLOAD: please register or login

Go Back   Stripers247.com Forums > Around The Woodstove > The Lounge
Forgot Password? Register Now!!

The Lounge Off-topic discussion here. Non-fishing related chit chat & banter. No Divisive subject matter - No Viscious Political and Religious debates please.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #751  
Old 03-04-2015, 02:39 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,011
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth in Jacksonville .



He tells the priest, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the hell out of an Obama supporter."



The priest says, "My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service."


SEMPER FI
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #752  
Old 06-09-2015, 08:57 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,011
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying........''All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause we are going down the tracks.'' The horrified mother went in and told her son, ''We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'' Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, ''All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one.'' She hears the little boy continue, For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all your hand luggage under your seat. Remember there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'' As the mother began to smile, the child added, 'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."
Reply With Quote
  #753  
Old 09-04-2015, 09:32 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,011
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I was walking through the mall and decided to browse the Muslim Book Store. The clerk, noticing that I was not one of usual clientele, asked if I needed assistance. I asked him if he had Trump's new book on his stance of Muslims and illegal Mexicans. " F**k You, get out and stay out!" he yelled.

"Yeah" I said " That's the one........do you have it in paperback?"
Reply With Quote
 
  #754  
Old 09-17-2015, 10:35 AM
Michael78 Michael78 is offline
Official Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Merrick
Posts: 7
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Wiz View Post
A little old Jewish cab driver is nodding out in his cab when he hears the door shut in the back. He looks in his mirror and sees a naked lady sprawled across the back seat. Hooboy! he's thinking. Keeps looking and she finally asks " What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a naked lady before?" " Yah, sure, he says " and I vould neffer look at you in zis vay." " So, why the staring?" says she. "Vell, I'm lookin, and I'm tinkin, he answers, "Vere is she keepin the money that's payin for zis ride?"
lol that's great
Reply With Quote
  #755  
Old 01-26-2016, 11:06 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,011
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I was on line at the checkout and a woman saw my big bag of dogfood. She asked what kind of dog I had, and I figured I'd have a little fun. I told her I didn't have a dog and the dogfood was for me. I explained about the dogfood diet that had me losing almost thirty pounds in three months. I also explained that the side effects had me hospitalized for six months. She asked me if it was something poisonous. I told her that it was exactly the opposite and the food was a great well-balanced diet. "What were the side effects?" she asked.

I told her that after three months on the diet, I was sitting off the curb in the street, licking my balls and got hit by a truck.
Reply With Quote
  #756  
Old 04-25-2016, 02:17 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,011
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

I played golf today.....hit two good balls.......stepped on a rake......
Reply With Quote
  #757  
Old 01-17-2017, 10:36 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,011
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

The old Jew was sitting on the beach in Florida reading his book when she plopped down next to him on her towel. trying to strike up conversation she remarked " Nice day". He looked up from his book and said " Yes" and went back into his book. Then she asked " Do you come here often?". Again he looked up from his book and answered" First time.....since my wife passed away last year" "Sorry" she said. Then she asked " Do you like pussycats?" At that point he shut the book, tore off her bathing and his and gave her a ride like you wouldn't believe. When they were done she rolled over and asked " How did you know that's what I wanted?". He looked at her ans asked " How did you know my name was Katz ?".
Reply With Quote
  #758  
Old 01-30-2017, 10:02 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,011
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Severely wounded in the head during hand-to-hand combat, the only visible permanent injury was that both of his ears were gone. Since his hearing was still ok, he remained in the Army and eventually rose to the rank of Major General. But, he was always sensitive about his appearance.

One day this General was interviewing three servicemen who were candidates for his headquarters
staff.

The first was a Captain, a tactical helicopter pilot, and it was a
great interview. At the end of the interview the General asked him, "Do you notice anything odd about me?'

The young officer answered, "Why, yes, Sir, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears."

The general was displeased with this lack of tact and threw him out.

The second interview was with a Navy Lieutenant, and he was even better. The General then asked
him the same question, "Do you notice anything odd about me?"

He replied sheepishly, "Well, sir, you have no ears." The General promptly threw him out.

The third interview was with an old Sergeant Major, an Infantryman and staff-trained NCO. He was smart, articulate, fit, looked sharp, and seemed to know more than the two officers combined.

The General liked this guy, and went ahead with the same question, "Do you notice anything different
about me?"

To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes, sir, you wear contact lenses."

The General was impressed and thought this is an incredibly observant NCO, and he didn't mention my ears." He then asked, "Sergeant Major, how do you know I wear contacts?"

"Well, sir," the NCO replied, "it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no damn ears."
Reply With Quote
  #759  
Old 02-23-2017, 02:41 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,011
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Little Nolan's teacher decided to use a little psychology on her class. She asked " If anyone here feels stupid would you please stand". After a short time little Nolan stood up. The teacher then asked " Nolan, do you think you're stupid?" He answered " No ma'am, I just hated to see you standing there all alone."
Reply With Quote
  #760  
Old 04-25-2017, 10:58 PM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,011
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

Two gay guys become fathers of newborns. While at the nursery viewing window, they remarked how quiet their boys were, while all the others were fussing and crying. A passing nurse heard the remark and told them " Just wait 'til I pull the pacifiers out of their little asses and we'll see what happens."
Reply With Quote
  #761  
Old 05-08-2017, 10:21 AM
Joe Wiz's Avatar
Joe Wiz Joe Wiz is offline
First Mate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: S.I.N.Y.....TOMS RIV. NJ
Posts: 1,011
Default Re: Joke Of The Day -A Joke to insult Just about everybody

During a recent press conference, a reporter with MSNBC hollered from the press corps, "Where is President Trump hiding his tax returns?

Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, astutely responded, "We've found a very secure place that I'm certain they won't be found."

"And just where is that?", said the reporter, sarcastically.

Mr. Spicer grinned sardonically and said, "They are underneath Obama's college records, his passport application, his immigration status as a student, his funding sources to pay for college, his college records, and his Selective Service registration.

"Next question?"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
day, insult, joke

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
joke of the day mikeyred The Lounge 1 03-16-2007 07:23 PM
Best Blonde joke Ever Sudsy The Lounge 3 02-02-2006 08:42 PM
Practical Joke Sudsy The Lounge 3 01-25-2006 09:44 PM
I'm new here, here's a joke stripercrazy The Striper Forum 12 09-15-2005 09:09 AM
new football joke Stripersteve The Sports Bar 2 02-04-2005 10:03 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:30 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Copyright 2004 - 2013 Stripers247.com LLC
Affiliated Sites:   Noreast.com   Allcoast.com    2coolfishing.com
© 2011 Noreast Media, LLC | Terms of Service | Contact Us | Advertise